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26 December 2002 @ 02:56 pm
Uh oh - it's a rant!  
There is a rant here. It has nothing to do with the fandom, but rather, to do with the nature of attraction. Please keep in mind that you may just be offended by what is said. Then again, you might not.


As some of you know, I have an actual profile linked to my Yahoo Messenger ID. I have had this for years. As a result, I often get random guys messaging me, often to hit on me. I typically find this amusing. I suppose I could take it down, but why should I? What happened the other night might be the reason why.

Random guy messages me. He's talking in plebe, so that's strike one against him right there. I am polite and talk to him. He eventually gets down to the nitty-gritty and hits on me. I continue to be polite as well as non-committal, as I am not at all interested. He then asks me what I think of African American men. I say that they are great as friends. He asks if I am not interested in them beyond friendship. I say that generally I am not. He says that's okay and wishes me luck. I say the same to him.

Five minutes later, he messages me with vitrol and hate like I haven't seen in a very long time, calling me names, telling me I'm a racist, and lastly, telling me that he hopes my daughters are raped by big black men. I respond by saying that I also am not generally attacted to blonds, so perhaps he'd like to call me something equally ludicrous, like anti-Nazi. I block him, but he signs onto another YM username and says more digusting things to me. I block that name too.

I do not understand people like this. Do they honestly believe that not finding certain people attractive is racist?? That's like saying that someone who only likes redheads is prejudiced against brunettes and blondes. But more than that, I think it's a dismissal of the fact that as human beings, we have things we find attractive in others and things we do not.

I'm sure you know someone who's said the following (or maybe you've said it yourself): "I don't have a type. Looks aren't that important." Umm, how to put this nicely... okay, I can't. Bullshit. Complete and utter crap. Even if you don't consciously realize it, you do have some kind of preference for partners. It might be something minor, like having nice hands, or something bigger, like race or ethnicity, but I promise you, it's there.

The other thing to realize is that just because you have a preference, that doesn't mean that it's necessarily a cutoff if the person doesn't quite fit. I've been with guys of various races and ethnicities, including African American, and the same goes for women. But I know what attracts me usually, and that just is hardly ever it. You could say that I've learned that over the years. If you're going to get older, then at least you get to learn some stuff about yourself along the way, right?

When it comes right down to it, you can think a person is nice, interesting, intelligent, has a great sense of humor and the best personality you've ever known, but if there is NO physical attraction, you're never really going to be satisfied. That's the difference between being friends and more than just friends. Yes, there is something to be said for being friends with someone and then becoming attracted to them when you weren't before. It happens - it's happened to me in the past. But without that spark, that special something called chemistry... it's just not the same.

So there it is. I don't think I'm a racist, but if you do, go ahead and say it. If you think I'm completely off-base here, let me know. If you totally understand, tell me that, too.
 
 
I feel: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
 
Vicki: MWAHhermorrine on December 26th, 2002 03:24 pm (UTC)
perhaps i am just silly and young and my aesthetic preferences are not quite defined yet, as i truly do not feel i have a physical type, while i do realise what sorts of personalities i am attracted to.

Well, I hope you don't think I was being dismissive of people younger than I or anything like that. I think there may be certain physical things you are attracted to and others you are not, but that is not necessarily the same as having a "type." I hope that made sense.
chiriko on December 26th, 2002 03:31 pm (UTC)

oh, i didn't think that at all. it just makes me feel naive to think that perhaps i should have specific things to be attracted to, and not being able to name any. :-? i will think about it for a while.
anamirzaanamirza on December 26th, 2002 04:49 pm (UTC)

I don't think it's naivete - and I don't know that everyone has a 'type', though I personally do - one of my friends for example dated an absolutely astonishing range of people...she would be the worst person to set up a blind date for - no telling what she'd think of someone. For me, it was just something I noticed after a while, after I had gone out with a few people (and had crushes on many more). There was just a startling lack of blondes. There are also definite personality traits - apparently I find hopelessly impractical intellectuals endearing. It's not like I had people fill out a form or anything, and it's not like I would look at people and say "oh, too bad he's blonde", but more like I'd see someone in a crowd and think "hmm, *that* one is kind of cute", and sure enough he'd turn out to be an Armenian math major or something.

It's a bit annoying that someone would consider that racist - I mean, if a woman doesn't go out with other women, is that sexist? Somehow, I'd guess most people don't think so.

Some people just don't like to be told, "you're not my type at all". I've never understood that. I don't think I've ever been more relieved than when someone I was obsessing over said "Sorry, but I'm gay." It's much nicer to be turned away for some general not-my-fault reason than for more personal reasons.