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26 December 2002 @ 02:56 pm
Uh oh - it's a rant!  
There is a rant here. It has nothing to do with the fandom, but rather, to do with the nature of attraction. Please keep in mind that you may just be offended by what is said. Then again, you might not.

As some of you know, I have an actual profile linked to my Yahoo Messenger ID. I have had this for years. As a result, I often get random guys messaging me, often to hit on me. I typically find this amusing. I suppose I could take it down, but why should I? What happened the other night might be the reason why.

Random guy messages me. He's talking in plebe, so that's strike one against him right there. I am polite and talk to him. He eventually gets down to the nitty-gritty and hits on me. I continue to be polite as well as non-committal, as I am not at all interested. He then asks me what I think of African American men. I say that they are great as friends. He asks if I am not interested in them beyond friendship. I say that generally I am not. He says that's okay and wishes me luck. I say the same to him.

Five minutes later, he messages me with vitrol and hate like I haven't seen in a very long time, calling me names, telling me I'm a racist, and lastly, telling me that he hopes my daughters are raped by big black men. I respond by saying that I also am not generally attacted to blonds, so perhaps he'd like to call me something equally ludicrous, like anti-Nazi. I block him, but he signs onto another YM username and says more digusting things to me. I block that name too.

I do not understand people like this. Do they honestly believe that not finding certain people attractive is racist?? That's like saying that someone who only likes redheads is prejudiced against brunettes and blondes. But more than that, I think it's a dismissal of the fact that as human beings, we have things we find attractive in others and things we do not.

I'm sure you know someone who's said the following (or maybe you've said it yourself): "I don't have a type. Looks aren't that important." Umm, how to put this nicely... okay, I can't. Bullshit. Complete and utter crap. Even if you don't consciously realize it, you do have some kind of preference for partners. It might be something minor, like having nice hands, or something bigger, like race or ethnicity, but I promise you, it's there.

The other thing to realize is that just because you have a preference, that doesn't mean that it's necessarily a cutoff if the person doesn't quite fit. I've been with guys of various races and ethnicities, including African American, and the same goes for women. But I know what attracts me usually, and that just is hardly ever it. You could say that I've learned that over the years. If you're going to get older, then at least you get to learn some stuff about yourself along the way, right?

When it comes right down to it, you can think a person is nice, interesting, intelligent, has a great sense of humor and the best personality you've ever known, but if there is NO physical attraction, you're never really going to be satisfied. That's the difference between being friends and more than just friends. Yes, there is something to be said for being friends with someone and then becoming attracted to them when you weren't before. It happens - it's happened to me in the past. But without that spark, that special something called chemistry... it's just not the same.

So there it is. I don't think I'm a racist, but if you do, go ahead and say it. If you think I'm completely off-base here, let me know. If you totally understand, tell me that, too.
I feel: aggravatedaggravated
hooray hooray, I'm your silver lining: <3of_evangeline on December 26th, 2002 02:47 pm (UTC)
*shakes head*

I don't understand people like that. Everybody is obviously going to have their preferences. You're not racist at all, doll. Don't listen to plebes like that.
That's what she said.altricial on December 26th, 2002 05:17 pm (UTC)
Eeee!@@$@#@! I love your icon~@!@~

Morri, I totally agree with everything you said. Everyone has a type, some to a lesser extent or whatever but it is there and like you said, it is not a fixed type, it changes and stuff. I just woke up and cannot string sentences together. *clings* But yes, that guy is a fucktard.

*loves you*
chiriko on December 26th, 2002 03:15 pm (UTC)

what, no, i don't think you're being racist at all. what a ridiculous conclusion that would be to make after reading through this. also, i understand what you are saying, completely, and i think it makes sense. i just don't relate to it as much, for some reason, as others might. perhaps i am just silly and young and my aesthetic preferences are not quite defined yet, as i truly do not feel i have a physical type, while i do realise what sorts of personalities i am attracted to.
Vicki: MWAHhermorrine on December 26th, 2002 03:24 pm (UTC)
perhaps i am just silly and young and my aesthetic preferences are not quite defined yet, as i truly do not feel i have a physical type, while i do realise what sorts of personalities i am attracted to.

Well, I hope you don't think I was being dismissive of people younger than I or anything like that. I think there may be certain physical things you are attracted to and others you are not, but that is not necessarily the same as having a "type." I hope that made sense.
chiriko on December 26th, 2002 03:31 pm (UTC)

oh, i didn't think that at all. it just makes me feel naive to think that perhaps i should have specific things to be attracted to, and not being able to name any. :-? i will think about it for a while.
anamirzaanamirza on December 26th, 2002 04:49 pm (UTC)

I don't think it's naivete - and I don't know that everyone has a 'type', though I personally do - one of my friends for example dated an absolutely astonishing range of people...she would be the worst person to set up a blind date for - no telling what she'd think of someone. For me, it was just something I noticed after a while, after I had gone out with a few people (and had crushes on many more). There was just a startling lack of blondes. There are also definite personality traits - apparently I find hopelessly impractical intellectuals endearing. It's not like I had people fill out a form or anything, and it's not like I would look at people and say "oh, too bad he's blonde", but more like I'd see someone in a crowd and think "hmm, *that* one is kind of cute", and sure enough he'd turn out to be an Armenian math major or something.

It's a bit annoying that someone would consider that racist - I mean, if a woman doesn't go out with other women, is that sexist? Somehow, I'd guess most people don't think so.

Some people just don't like to be told, "you're not my type at all". I've never understood that. I don't think I've ever been more relieved than when someone I was obsessing over said "Sorry, but I'm gay." It's much nicer to be turned away for some general not-my-fault reason than for more personal reasons.
intellectual pepperyeleveninches on December 26th, 2002 05:21 pm (UTC)
I second what everyone said before. I, for one, am far more attracted to people of other races than my own.
lore: StitchDisgruntledlore on December 26th, 2002 07:21 pm (UTC)
You realize that this guy scoped you out, got you to talk, made sure you were a real woman (in his own mind) then popped the big question. When he didn't hear what he wanted to, he decided to keep playing with you because he knew you'd already responded once. He's not even worth a rant, let alone letting him under your skin. We all know you're not a racist.


love, lore
savvy dizzle: eww goyleelite_stoat on December 27th, 2002 01:03 am (UTC)

I do not understand people like this. Do they honestly believe that not finding certain people attractive is racist??

I don't!! :D

I'm half 'n half. Me dad's a muggle. Mam's a witch. Bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out.

Er... anyway. As a half black person, I can tell you that I don't find what you said offensive, and I don't think you're a racist, Morri. Now, if you said, "I don't like blacks because they're ugly," well, that would be different. BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID! You just said what you prefer, and that's FINE. You're allowed to have preferences. Everyone has preferences. I have preferences - I tend to like white guys more than blacks, and I'll be damned if I'm a racist.

*waves stupid man away*

Fuck him, Morri, in the ass. HE needs to get raped by big, black men. No, that's not true. Now, look - he's stupid and angry, so ignore him.


And he doesn't know you.
osanna on December 27th, 2002 03:06 am (UTC)
I think your reactions were perfectly normal and his perfectly unreasonable. And I agree - everyone has a type even if they think they don't. *shrug* *hugs*
Yohannonyohannon on December 27th, 2002 04:59 am (UTC)
Burning Crosses
Well, you know a lot of MY opinions on these topics already: But just to be certain:

- He was an asshole. A Dickless wonder. The kind of person who plays the "race" card at every opportunity, probably to make up for his shortcomings totally unrelated to same. (nudge, wink)

- I think that "type" is always problematic as a concept for attraction. I prefer fat babes of either gender, yet that seems to fall short of what it takes to float my boat, as it were. I often fill out personal ads, not in any real hope of actually MEETING someone, but more as an exercize in determining how I would describe what attracts me.

Something I try to impart in that description is that all bets are off when it comes to meeting face to face -- there are some things that can't be seen, illustrated, or captured on camera (at least, not always!). I have been attracted to "average" sized women, which many would think was outside my "type". The previous example noting an abscence of blondes in someone's dating history could be no more than an accident of fate, though that runs the risk of the "just hasn't met the right [blank] {with optional characteristic}" reaction from friends, casual observors, and (of course) the person trying to get into someone's pants.

The result is I get a LOT of people who are so far afiled of my "type" that the ad is virtually useless. So, at the risk of accidentally filtering out some perfectly wonderful possibilities, I'm forced to be a lot more specific than I would like to be.

In any case, I'm not rude to the "false positives" that try to contect me based on the various profiles I have floating about. Not until they pull a stunt similar to what happened to you -- then I flex the claws and have some fun.

Especially if they think I'm a woman... the clueless straight HNG's (Horny Net Geeks) are almost too easy to torment. In my mind it's deserved if they were too lazy to even check my profile to see if Yohannon WAS a girl's name (I mean, a picture and a clear "male" designation should be MORE than enough to make it clear it isn't!).

Please post his nicks...I think he make for a nice diversion.

*big hugs*

insert remote control to get butt stars: rosehot_jupiters on December 31st, 2002 09:29 pm (UTC)

To be honest, I was looking over people's journals and your username was listed many many times, so I thought it'd be interesting to check out. Leave it to me to click on a rant dealing with racist/non-racist undertones! I was just looking for a bit of Harry Potter. *smirks* But as someone who's part African-American like Savvie up there, I'll have to say I don't believe you to be racist at all, just someone who knows herself well enough to declare preferences.

I'll say though, that the man had something to go on in making the claim. But...that's simply due to what seems like a lack of communication and his willingness to see something and turn it around into a race thing for the sole purpose of...well...making it a race issue.

I completely understand what you mean about there being that chemistry, and as I'm one of them youngins who hasn't been through enough men or women for that matter to define her tastes, I'll just agree that there just has to be that certain *thing* that attracts you to someone. And you're lucky to have that ability to identify what that certain *thing* is to save yourself a bit of trouble in the dating area in the future.

So then. Back to HP shit. *grins* Hope to be commenting about fandom related stuff soon!