Vicki (hermorrine) wrote,

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Do you ever feel like maybe you're just doing life incorrectly?

I do - at least right now.

Perhaps some of you may remember this entry from about a year ago - in a nutshell, one of my oldest friends (we've known each other since we were 11), lost her husband. They'd been married for nearly 10 years and had twin 3-year-old girls.

Well, I just came home to a (rather late) Christmas card from her. She met a man this past April, married him 4 weeks later and is now pregnant with their first child.

I'm flabbergasted. On the one hand, considering that she met her first husband in January and married him in May and everyone thought THAT was insane at the time and they were married for nearly 10 years, it's not really a surprise. But on the other, I feel horribly guilty because I'm not exactly happy for her - at least not right now.

I just... have I been going about this the wrong why? Is that why I'm single? I wouldn't say I'm ridiculously cautious - I'll jump into a relationship head and heart first, but a marriage? Ah, no. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe I should throw caution to the wind and when in the throws of that initial New Relationship Energy and madly in love, should just go ahead and make what's supposed to be a lifetime commitment. But even writing that - I don't see how I ever COULD. I'm a planner by nature and I don't think I could just go, "Hey! Neither one of us has even known each other that long, but ya wanna get hitched?" And I honestly think that I ever met a man who proposed that soon, I'd turn on my heel and run in the opposite direction - or ask if he needed a green card.

I don't know. Maybe I just need to start dating more, although I've got mixed feelings on that, too. Why does this crap have to be so damned complicated? Bleh.

Oh yeah - Happy Freaking New Year. -.-

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