Vicki (hermorrine) wrote,

  • Mood:

A disturbing relationship trend.

If you can't handle a rant, step away now.

A number of times in the past year or so, I have seen the following scenario, mostly among those I know in Real Life:

  • Guy and girl are together, having a good time, nothing serious.
  • Whoops, girl gets pregnant.
  • And instead of the myriad of other choices available, guy and girl have baby and then get married (or vice versa), despite not being in love or having had ANY thoughts on marrying one another before this point.

  • This really, really bothers me, for a number of reasons.

    1) What is the deal with the inept handling of birth control?! It's just not. that. difficult. I will agree that yes, there is always the possibility of a mistake or accident, but the statistics will bear out that they do not happen that often - and certainly not often enough to explain this trend.

    2) The girl is actually trapping the guy by allowing herself to get pregnant - and the guys are buying into this bullshit!! HELLO MEN, you should NOT be rewarding this sort of dishonest, reprehensible behavior! What a horrible way to start a marriage. What a nasty precedent to set. (clarification - this may not be the case - but wouldn't you wonder? For probably the rest of your lives?) ETA: Further clarification - yes, in a perfect world men would be equally responsible for birth control. However, let's face it - there are only 2 ways men can do that right now, condoms and vasectomies. And yes, condoms have the highest failure rate of any contraceptive. So while I think it's neither right nor fair, the burden is still on women.

    3) When did it become the 1950's again?? Look, I realize that even pro-choice people don't necessarily want to have abortions - I'm certainly one of those. Who would ever WANT to have one?! But sometimes it's a necessary thing (and if you don't agree, take it elsewhere - you will NOT win if you try to argue with me on this one). I signed a contract saying I wouldn't get pregnant for at least 2 years for medical reasons, but I have to say that if I were to get pregnant before that time is up, I'd have to give some serious thought before deciding to terminate (although, of course, this wouldn't happen to me - see #1). But abortion isn't the only option anyway. Give the baby up for adoption. Or how about you raise it yourself as a single mother? Or - really radical thought - the two of you decide you both want to be parents but you're not going to rush into marriage! Maybe you won't even be in a relationship together! Marriage is not the answer to everything. I'm probably crazy, but I especially don't think it should be the answer to an accident that resulted from two people doing the bumpty-bump in the back of a van.

    Maybe the small, barely-visible old-fashioned part of me is showing here, because I believe in marrying someone you're certain you want to spend the rest of your life with and planning for the birth of very wanted children. Sure, life is what happens while you're busy planning - I get it, I know. But I just think, what, was I supposed to not take my birth control? Is that what all the cool kids are doing these days? Would that mean I'd now be married with babies? And would I even want to be? I know I want that eventually, but... ugh.

    To summarize, I don't get this trend and I find it extremely frightening. Your mileage may certainly vary.

    I feel better now.

    ETA 2: You guys have made some awesome points already, I look forward to responding to you all tomorrow!

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