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24 March 2005 @ 01:51 pm
If you think this post is about you, you're probably right.  
Thanks so much for disabling comments on your post about me where you even mentioned my LJ name, you coward. You'll notice that this post has comments enabled AND I haven't mentioned your name because I have a sense of what's proper. Yes, you have a right to your opinion, but that's all it is. The last time I looked, you worked in a bloody computer store, not a doctor's office, and you haven't seen or really talked to me in at least 5 years, so you'll forgive me if your opinions on my health, my body, or my personal decisions don't mean jack shit. I find it really insulting that although I have mentioned the fact that this decision took me YEARS to come to and was extremely difficult, you've made it sound like it's a complete lark and I've just decided between getting a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. Weight loss surgery or continuing my current miserable existence? *thinks for 3 seconds* WLS it is!

I've done more research than you can possibly imagine. I'm GOOD at research - it's what I bloody DO FOR A LIVING. I work for the LARGEST HEALTHCARE DATA COMPANY IN THIS COUNTRY. Do you have ANY idea at the statistics on WLS surgery I've got easy access to?! And this is REAL data - it's not propaganda from a surgeon's office or someone else trying to make money off me or anyone else. It's REAL data including complication and morbidity rates. I know exactly what I'm getting into, not to mention I've been part of a support group for over 2 years now and watched the progress of numerous other people at various years out from their surgeries.

I'm sorry you think I should spend the rest of my life dying from the myriad of health problems I have, unable to walk, unable to do the many things both personal and career-oriented I would like to do, all because of my weight. I'm sorry you think I should continue the way I am and end up losing my limbs to diabetes or end up on disability because I can no longer work. You know, you're right - I could end up having complications or dying. It's certainly possible. But quite frankly, after what I've been through in the past few years as my health has continued to deteriorate, the choice was EASY. I would rather die than continue to live like this. THIS IS NOT LIVING.

The truly sad thing is that I don't really think you care all that much about my health or well-being. I think you're upset because, even though it's been years since we've been involved and I'm not interested in ever being involved with you again, I will lose weight and you will no longer find me attractive. Even more sad is that you don't seem to get that I will never be thin and I'm fine with that. I'm not doing this to try and turn into Angelina Jolie, for fuck's sake. I'm a big girl and I always will be - I'm just going to lose enough weight that my health and mobility will improve. If I was perfectly healthy with no mobility issues at this weight, I would not even consider doing it. This is not about how I look or vanity - it's about my health and ability to function. And I'm sorry, but no matter how many fat women you have fucked/will fuck, you don't have any insight as to how it REALLY feels to live in a body like this, so don't even TRY to tell me you know what it's like. Gain 250 lbs or so and then we can talk about what it's really like.

I suppose the worst of it is that although I'm an adult and I thought we were friends at one time, you apparently think me incapable of making my own decisions. That's really unfortunate, and I don't think I can be friends with you anymore if this is how you feel. Friends can disagree, certainly, but with the complete lack of respect you've shown? I don't think so.

And I'm done.
 
 
I feel: annoyedannoyed
 
 
 
Vicki: *CLINGS*hermorrine on March 26th, 2005 12:07 am (UTC)
That is seriously one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me. I got totally teary-eyed when I read it. Thank you.

*hugs*