January 17th, 2005

Latte

-.-

You know, I realize that all I do lately is whine, but dammit, I'm sick of my life being nothing but shit.

The computer woes continue. I am absolutely desperate to get my email back. The computer now has a Win XP installation over it, but as it boots up you can still choose Win 2K and if you do, you get a message that some file is missing and you have to get it off the Win 2K CD. Which, of course, I did not have. So my mom brought me her Win 2K CD this past weekend, and guess what? It won't install - it says that there isn't a version of Windows on the computer already. Funny that, as there are TWO. So then my brother says that all I need to do is load Office XP with Outlook onto the Win XP install and it'll find my Outlook files and all my email. Okay, sounds good. I go to install Office XP and it won't install, either. It gets to a certain point and then says it can't read a particular file on the CD. I can see a scratch on the CD so I figure that's the problem. My brother says that isn't the problem, it's because my CD-Rom drive is old and crappy. So, because I can't think of ANY other way to do it, I will likely be switching out the CD-Rom drive just to try and make this work, because we're talking about 8 years worth of saved email - personal, business, mailing lists, RS business, everything. And what REALLY pisses me off is that I DID save the archive of messages but I DIDN'T get around to FTPing the file before Win 2K took the complete and total nosedive. The idea of losing everything is making me seriously depressed.

My brakes are making a nice grinding noise, so I figure that they probably need to be replaced. Where I'm going to get the money to do this I do not know, so I guess I'll just have to ignore it and use a tree to stop the car when necessary. -.-!

Yes, that is horribly morbid of me, but quite frankly I've had it up to HERE with life. It's always one more thing. And I'm really getting to the point where it's one more thing too many. I don't know how much more I'm supposed to take. In the last few months I've lost the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, lost a number of close friends, seen my family grow further and further apart, get denied and denied and denied for a surgery I desperately need, realized that my finances are completely hopeless, and most days have to force myself to even get out of bed. I wonder why the hell I even bother - what do I have to live for? Sometimes I think I should just stop taking my prescription meds and let survival of the fittest take its course. Go ahead and judge me if you want to. Think I'm pathetic or sad if it makes you feel better. Maybe you can find some reason that my life is worth living. I sure as hell can't, and frankly, I'm not sure I even give a fuck anymore.
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    bitter, depressed, angry...