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12 September 2002 @ 01:41 am
On why I'm not a fetish  

fat

Your Secret Fetish
Is Fat People!


When it comes to sex, you like it big
and beautiful... especially your partners.
While some may
say you like fat chicks or guys, you simply like more love.

Head over to the nearest Krispy Kreme to find that dream
partner
- and share some powdered sugar in your wet spot.


What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find
Out!


I hate being referred to as someone's fetish. You, reading this right now - has anyone ever said you were a fetish? Has anyone ever reduced you to that? For a long time, I thought that anyone who found me attractive would HAVE to be some sort of freak. Think of what THAT does to your self-esteem.

It's a really weird line to walk. On the one hand, we have the majority of society saying that fat people are ugly, fat people are not sexy, fat people are disgusting. Fat women are laughed at for requesting birth control pills from doctors. Fat men are humiliated when trying to buy condoms. Why? Because no one wants to have sex with fat people, right?

Wrong. They just don't want anyone to find out that they want to or that they have. What's that quote?
Having sex with a fat girl/boy is like riding a moped - it's only fun until your friends find out.

And it is THIS attitude that leads us to people in general thinking that having an attraction to fat people is a fetish. But first, let me get you the definition so that you understand exactly what we're dealing with here:

Fetish - Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

So, there you go. Pretty brutal, huh? I suppose that one could argue that as fat is a nonsexual part of the body, it fits the definition. If you believe that, I'd like to draw your attention to female breasts. They're basically nothing but fat, after all. But is finding them attractive considered a fetish? Of course not. That's perfectly normal, and that is the problem here.

It's only okay to like what's normal. As soon as you over that line, it's wrong, and it should be hidden away from view. And then you get what happens to me on an almost daily basis.

You probably wouldn't believe how many men - it's almost exclusively men - hit on me after finding my profile on Yahoo (yes, I could take it down, but why the hell should I have to?). And when they hit on me, I mean it's about sex. Within 5 minutes they're asking me how much I weigh and what size bra I wear. I've been asked how big my thighs are, how low my belly hangs down, how round my ass is. If you can think of a rude question to ask, I've been asked it. Why? Because I am nothing but an object to these people, something to reduce to parts. Society has given that to them, told them that because this is a fetish, it's okay to not even treat me like a human being.

This is not to say that there aren't good people out there. These people have come to be known as Fat Admirers, or FAs, even though that name in and of itself makes it seem as though the fat, not the person, is what they're interested in. I've had a number of relationships with FAs and I can promise you that this isn't so, and those people are what has proved to me that finding fat people attractive is not a fetish. These people found me beautiful, cute, sexy, attractive - not just some part of my body. All of me, the fat parts and the not so fat parts (you know, like my brain). FAs showed me that finding a fat person attractive is no different than liking blondes or someone who's tall. It's a preference, not a fetish.

And you know what really gets to me about this? I LOVE sex. I really do. And all this extra bullshit is really annoying. I don't need any other extra baggage, you know? I just want to have fun. My body gives me enough problems - I think it's only my due that I get some pleasure back out of it. But this complicates matters, because I have to question everything. I can never just accept that someone is interested. I have to be careful so that I'm not pushed into the roll of an object. Of a fetish.

And there are literally dangerous people out there. There are people who call themselves feeders. They call themselves FAs but frankly, I wouldn't even put them into the same universe, let alone category, as most of my friends and former lovers. Feeders are all about obsession and control. They latch onto a fat woman and basically feed her so that she gains more and more weight. They tell her that they love her, that if she loves them she'll eat more for them. Many of these people feed a person until they lose all mobility, so that the feeder then has to be the constant caregiver. The person is completely dependent on the feeder. And yes, I do know of cases where people have died. I also think that this is a result of the fat person as object/fetish phenomenon.

I'd also like to mention that there is a culture that accepts being attracted to larger people within the gay community. Granted, they also have to deal with the same sort of "only hardbodies wanted" problems, but in some respects it does seem like they have it more together than the straight world does. Believe me, there are some days I wish I wasn't bi, but I just like dick too much.

Is there a point to all this? Not really. I don't think the person who wrote the quiz was trying to be cruel or insensitive - the sad fact is, they probably didn't think twice about it. But that's just the problem. And until the societal impressions of fat people change, none of this will, either.