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15 April 2005 @ 10:57 pm
A poll, because I've been thinking about it.  
I have never stayed friends with an ex. With one ex there was really no point as we weren't friends to begin with, so there was nothing to continue. With another we'd just hurt each other so much and argued so much and then completely grew apart that it just didn't work, although we tried for a little while. But with my latest ex, it's at least within the realm of possibility. Obviously this is a mutual thing and I don't know yet how zorac feels about the idea now, so who knows if it will ever come to pass. But any and all responses are welcome.

Poll #475909 Being friends with your ex poll

Are you still friends with a former girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse?

Yes
28(80.0%)
No
7(20.0%)

If yes, how long after the breakup did the two of you begin talking/hanging out again?

Immediately afterwards
8(28.6%)
3 months afterwards
5(17.9%)
6 months afterwards
3(10.7%)
9 months afterwards
2(7.1%)
1 year afterwards
3(10.7%)
More than a year afterwards
4(14.3%)
Other (will comment)
3(10.7%)

Who ended the relationship?

I did
12(38.7%)
They did
11(35.5%)
It truly was mutual
8(25.8%)

Do you think which of you ended it makes a difference?

Yes
15(46.9%)
No
10(31.2%)
Not sure/Will comment
7(21.9%)

Did you have to meet someone new before you were ready to be friends with your ex?

Yes
3(9.4%)
No
22(68.8%)
I met someone but I don't think it made any difference
7(21.9%)

How did you know you were ready to be friends again?



Also, tonight's Numb3rs was excellent.
 
 
I feel: curiouscurious
 
 
 
rm -rf /*photosinensis on April 16th, 2005 04:04 am (UTC)
I've only got one ex, and it was a mutual end. As in we both tried to beat the crap out of each other (she threw the first blow).

After that, no, there is no chance of being friends again. Heck, she's lost most of her friends and/or allies at the university in the course of a semester.

Either she rebuilds or she leaves. I'm fine, however.
leiabelle: Josh/Donna <3 <3leiabelle on April 16th, 2005 04:32 am (UTC)
I'm still (sort of) friends with an ex from high school. I say sort of only because we've fallen out of touch in the last couple years, but we did become friends again a few months after the (more or less mutual) breakup.

My one college boyfriend and I did become friends again eventually, but it took a really long time. I was devastated by the breakup (which happened in March 2002) and couldn't bear to talk to him for months, and then I went to England. I think we started talking over AIM again in November 2002, but things were really weird and still kind of awkward even after I came home. But in the last year we've finally become friends. I just decided I was over him, and that we had too much of a connection to let our friendship die. Though I did relapse at one point and imagine that I still had something for him, I think it was more a case of him being "the last one" and me not having found "the next one" yet. In any case, I'm glad that he and I are still friends. :)
cute, in a dumb guy with a dream kinda way.skyfading on April 16th, 2005 04:37 am (UTC)
we're back together now, but there was 20 months in which we were not. I broke up with him, though I really hadn't wanted to, and he rebounded and we were both so angry at each other that we couldn't speak without sniping for about six months. we eventually put most of it past us as he settled down into a relationship with rebound girl, but I was still angry enough that until they broke up, it was hard at times to remain civil.
lizardlaugh on April 16th, 2005 04:48 am (UTC)
Difficult to answer the poll because the main reason I am not friends with any exes is because all my exes live in Texas... and I hang my hat live in San Diego.

I stayed friends with a couple from high school and one I dated in college (well, that one was pretty much 'friends with benefits' from the beginning). There was one ex who I was seriously, deeply in love with who I couldn't bear to look at hardly for nearly a year, but we reconnected and were friends later on. He broke up with me. I've been with my d00d nearly eight years now and live on the other side of the country, so... lost touch with those guys, but occasionally bump into them when I visit home or hear about them through the grapevine.
Marie Antoinette's pastry slavemark356 on April 16th, 2005 04:57 am (UTC)
If the feeling really is mutual, then I don't think it really matters who actually comes up and says "Let's end this". But if it's not mutual, then it makes a huge difference.
Jordan Catalano: PatchWorkQuillprettyveela on April 16th, 2005 07:18 am (UTC)
Yeah I'm still pretty cool with some of my exes, but I kinda lose interest in even being friends with them to tell you the truth. I think as I've gotten older that my attention span has gotten shorter or something. I'm just not as emotionally attached to keeping that bond as I used to be.
Kay Taylor: eowyn darkkay_taylor on April 16th, 2005 09:42 am (UTC)
I actually think the biggest factor is length of time/amount invested in relationship. If you've been seeing someone for EVER, and have pretty much written them into your future (or if you've done that in a short but intense relationship), the fall-out lasts for a lot longer afterwards. It's to do with the intensity of feelings you had for them. For example, I saw Tim fairly casually, and we were back to being friends within six months or so. With Will, I invested heaps in the relationship (though it was only nine months) and was therefore a lot less ready to see him than he was to see me, three months after the fact. With James, we were together for two years, and it took about two years before either of us were ready to speak again, because it took that long for the emotional fall-out to end.

But that's my little take on it. *shrugs*
Kazzii: MCR - Gerard - Squee!!shinysilvercoin on April 16th, 2005 11:10 am (UTC)
Right, so, commenting XD

The ex in question and I went out for about 7 months, when she found someone else and wanted to split. I wasn't thrilled with it (understatement), but I knew she would be happy, so that was that. We talked for a little while afterwards, but I think we were both a little bitter, and after 4 months or so, we had a huge row (I've never talked so harshly to someone in my life!). I was sad that we weren't talking after that, but too blinded by my anger to really do anything about it.

6 or so months later, the day after my Birthday, she emailed me to wish me a happy belated one. We began talking casually, and now, after a year, we're back to being great friends. I don't feel any more anger about the situation, and I'm really happy for her and her boyfriend. Strangely, though, we never bring up our relationship, or the argument.. We've never apologised to each other. I'd apologise to her, but I get the feeling she doesn't want it brought up.
gamps_garret on April 16th, 2005 12:31 pm (UTC)
Kiera and I were friends again within a year, but I haven't kept in contact with her since graduation, really. Just wanted to clarify. I'm definitely not friends with my other exes -- one by circumstance, the other because she's a psychotic bitch. :-)

And, NUMB3RS! I fell asleep during the last fifteen minutes (wine and exhaustion do not make for an alert Lissa), just after Don took Charlie to the firing range. Can you fill me in on what happened?
Vicki: Numb3rs!hermorrine on April 16th, 2005 06:48 pm (UTC)
Okay... *thinks* I may be telling you some things that happened before you fell asleep since I don't remember the order that they happened clearly. Charlie showed the agents that there was a pattern of escalations in the sniper attacks. The Lou Diamond Phillips character admitted that Charlie could be right about how good the sniper is. They realized that the key is where the sniper was shooting from rather than the targets. They found out that a guy with a military background who'd wanted to be on a sharpshooter team had worked at a couple of the places where shootings had occured so they went to see his mother who told them she'd thrown him out of the house a few weeks ago. They checked all of the places this guy had worked before and found there were 2 he hadn't done a shooting at yet and sent teams to both. They found his van at one scene and began clearing the area of people. Then a car pulls up and Charlie gets out with his clipboard and is totally in the math zone and shots ring out. Charlie almost gets hit but the other agent pushes him down before it happens. Lots of shooting and then Lou Diamond kills the sniper. Don is freaked out that Charlie almost got shot and thinks that their dad was right. He tells his dad that, but dad says no, you were right, Charlie's a grown man and can make his own decisions. But the brothers don't tell dad that Charlie was almost killed - just that he did go to the firing range. Finis. Long enough for you? LOL
Davestormwynd on April 16th, 2005 01:28 pm (UTC)
I haven't had an ex in a while, so I didn't take part in your poll.

I just wanted to comment on your icon. Math is indeed sexy, but a lot of times, the mathematicians are even sexier. ;-D
MamaCheshirecheshire23 on April 16th, 2005 02:14 pm (UTC)
I'm actually friends with several of the people I used to date. In fact, two of my closest friends are my ex-girlfriend and the male friend she left me for (and then left him, and briefly got back together with me). In that case, I originally knew the two of them were starting to be interested in each other, told them "honestly, give me a week or so to sulk and I'll probably be fine," and then had a major life crisis (a friend committed suicide) a few days later which had me running to them for support.

I'm also still friends with the ex who was the least painful breakup I've ever had:
"You know, this isn't working for me. I feel like I'm kissing my sister."
"Yeah...I know what you mean..."*sigh*
"OK. So you wanna go get lunch?"
"Sure!"

I have another ex who later became a roommate, and being roommates did more harm to the friendship than dating did, though we do still talk.

Usually, I stay friends on the grounds of "If they were cool enough to date, they're cool enough to hang out with," unless either the break-up was particularly awful (the ex who accused me of cheating on him with a friend who Doesn't Like Girls That Way, multiple times) or the ex wants me back and won't leave me alone about it. Sometimes we fall out of touch like any other friends, but I generally assume that there's ground for a friendship unless proven otherwise.
Alexandra Lynchalexandralynch on April 16th, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC)
I've really run the gamut. There have been some where the breakup has been mutual and he or I just happened to verbalize it first. But I've had one with a woman where I literally couldn't be in the same room with her (we still had the same circle of friends) or say her name without either crying in pain or rage. We finally, four years later, have gotten things smoothed out. Time, and a new girlfriend, heal wounded pride and the pain of breaking up. She's matured a lot. We're now something like each other's oldest female friend and call each other periodically to bitch about men, women, kids, life, et cetera. But it wasn't something we achieved easily, and I still occasionally miss being more intimate with her.
Woodstocktrigeekgirl on April 25th, 2005 02:29 am (UTC)
Because I realized I meant to leave a comment and never did....
My rather, er, pitiful track record of relationships is 25% friends and 75% not friends.

And the one friend took a long long time to get back (like, not really good friends for 2 years after we broke up from a 2 month relationship, and definite intermitting times of me thinking he was an utter asshole). Of course now he tells me everything, including but not limited to things I don't really want to know and I would easily call him one of my best friends. However, we've known each other since 5th grade and neither of us wanted to lose that connection over silly teenage hormones (and they were silly teenage hormones, believe me). So my "yes" answer isn't quite as easy as it appears.